Dear Diary

Cawcaw

Crows rank top 5 creepiest animals in my opinion. Fun fact, they are actually modern dinosaurs, as I learned in one of the science classes I was forced to take. Crows have some issues. Think about it; a pack of these things is called a murder.

A murder of crows.

Right there I’m already done with them, but then you add on the screeching caw, the little black beady eyes, and their disturbingly large size and confidence and you have yourself a nightmare. I did myself a huge disfavor by watching Hitchcock’s The Birds, and I fear that there is an unfortunate amount of truth to that disturbing movie. In downtown Portland, you’ll be walking along, shopping bags in hand, and hear the cacophony of 100 or so crows circling the streets, scavenging for food scraps or a pair of Nikes. You see bird shit all over the brick sidewalks, strategically right where people stand waiting to cross the street. To top it all off, they are smart little fuckers. Apparently, a crow can remember a person’s face FOREVER, and they hold a grudge, according to an experiment conducted in Seattle. If you ever want to know the full extent of their capabilities, just google “facts about crows,” and you’ll quickly understand that the moral of this terrifying story is never cross a crow.

Allison Graaff